What happened you ask? Well lately when I see pictures of myself I don't cringe. Can you believe that? Maybe it's never been a problem with you but I can't remember the last time I didn't look at photo that I was in and didn't cringe; quietly or openly. I don't know many women who enjoy getting their photos taken. I'm one of those people for sure and that part hasn't changed.
But now, when I look at myself I see something different. I see all the work I've done these last couple years. I see the mornings of getting up at 4:40 a.m. 4-5 times during the work week to exercise. I see the early morning Saturday runs. I see the modifying of recipes to add more whole wheat or low calorie/low fat items. I see more fruit and vegetables. I see the thinking ahead of what to eat so the best option can be picked. I see these things and I smile.
I also see the candy, cookies, whole personal pizzas plus bread sticks, the burgers and fries, the ice cream and the toppings...and I smile even more.
Because all of these things have made up my last two years. Exercise and eating. I have to admit, sometimes the eating is healthier than other times. But you know what, that's all part of it. When I started my journey 2 years ago I knew it was going to be a long one because I wasn't going to do anything I couldn't stand doing the rest of my life. I wasn't going to cut out cake, or cookies, or hamburgers, or french fries, or pizza. Instead I was just going to make sure those things weren't the only things I ate. That in between those things I would eat more veggies and fruits, eat healthy items more and get some exercise.
Did it work? I have to say it has. How do I know, you ask? Because now when I look at pictures of myself I don't cringe. That right there says whatever I'm doing is right for me. That making these changes in my life have made me happy. And that's why I started this. I wanted to be happy with myself. I tried so hard to love who I was then but I couldn't. I knew where my body wanted to be. I knew where I wanted to be.
Was it all about losing weight? Not really. It's been about getting healthy. About being able to run around in the backyard with my new little daughter. About being able to climb up and slide down with her at the park. It was about showing her from the beginning that exercise wasn't something bad. That running around was fun. That it wasn't something you HAD to do, it was something you WANTED to do. That apples and bananas were great snacks. That eating healthy didn't mean carrot sticks and celery.
3 years ago I had a daughter. 3 years ago I realized that all of my issues with my body and food would be passed on to my daughter as I raised her because that's what she would see from me. I realized I didn't want to do that. I realized I needed to figure out what made me happy so I could live that way and show my daughter by example.
And so today I don't cringe when I see photos of myself. Do I think I will always feel that way? Probably not. Everyone has their good and bad days (or weeks or months or years!) and I know I will too. But I know I can do this. I know I can. And I know I want to.
