Just when you think you have it all planned out...

I'm a planner. I love thinking of the future and planning out in my head exactly how my life is going to go. Now I've been alive long enough to know that doesn't really work, but have planned long enough to know it sometimes helps. So I plan.

One of the things I do the most with planning is making lists. Like timetables of what we're doing and how it should go. When I'm going on a trip I'll get a piece of paper and plan the trip out...down to the hour or even minute. I'll look up maps on-line or anything I need to get the information to help me plan. Then I'll list it on my paper in detail. Like I said, I know it doesn't always happen exactly how I'd like it to. Sometimes it turns out better, sometimes not so well. I understand that. It's the list making, the planning, the feeling in control, that I love the most.

Throughout my life I've done this. Felt like this. And throughout my life I've been gently reminded that no matter how much I plan, how many times I make my lists, no matter how much I want to feel like I'm in control of everything-I'm not.

The end of 2009 I was thinking about my future. Trying to plan it again. I was a year & a half away from being 40, five years away from all of our children graduating, a few years later-grandchildren (fun but can be sent home), then "Kim and I time" to hike, travel & take pictures, then retirement...aaahhhh it all sounded so nice.

And once again that gentle reminder. In February of this year I found out I was pregnant and everything changed. My plans went up in smoke, my lists become unusable, my life was altered. That news was very life changing. It took a while to pull myself back together and get back on track with life.

Now as I sit here typing I can see my little baby daughter sleeping. She is amazing. She is beautiful. She is my little gift from God. She is my reminder that even though I think I know what's best for my future there's someone else who knows what I need better than I do.

And I'm glad...
because I can't imagine life without her.