Tomorrow I go back to work. I've been off since Leah was born 8 1/2 weeks ago. I know it's part time so I'll still be home a few days-but it's back to work. And at the end of the year I go back full time. That's only 5 weeks away. The last 8 weeks have flown by so 5 won't take long at all.
I really don't want to go back. I mean I really like the people I work with. I like the income my job brings us. We couldn't make it without it. But being home has been amazing. Spending time with my new daughter, with my sons when they come home from school, with my husband when he comes home from work (or stays home to help me out when I'm not feeling well)...all of that has been amazing. And that changes tomorrow. Well tomorrow my husband is off so Leah will stay with him. Next week she starts staying with family.
I should be happy that she gets to stay with family while we work. I should be happy that daycare isn't a part of the equation like it was with my other two kids. I should be happy that family members were able to watch her. I should be happy I have a job.
I am happy for all of those things. I'm very grateful for everything working out the way it has. But I'm still sad. Sad that I may miss her first laugh, her first steps, her first word. Sad that I won't be able to hold her as much as I'd like and look into her sweet little face whenever I want.
Being a mom is hard sometimes...but it's also amazing and I wouldn't want it any other way.
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