Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus

It's really hard not to think about my grandmother during the Christmas season. Her name was Virginia and Christmas was her favorite time of year.

She made little doll ornaments that were dressed like all different countries and nationalities. I have a box of them that I picked out myself and love. She made snowmen that had cute little green scarves and red hats with a pompom on the top. I have 3 cute ones that I put up each year. She made these black licorice cookies that I couldn't stand but I loved the design on them. She gave me and all of my siblings a different ornament every Christmas. I have a box with all of my angels carefully put away. One day I will share them with my daughter and tell her about her great grandma she never got to meet.

I don't remember having a great relationship with her when I was little. There were a lot of us kids and I think we just over powered her. But as I grew older and was more interested in cooking and crafts and more appreciative of what went into those things, I think my grandmother and I had a better relationship.

I remember my last days with her. She'd succumbed to dementia and was in a care home. I remember taking my boys to see her a week or so before Christmas. We wheeled her out to the front room. There was a big Christmas tree out there and I wanted her to see it. I talked to her about how beautiful the tree was. I told her about all the Christmas decorations I had up in my house that where made by her and how much I loved getting them out every year. I don't know if she could hear me, I don't know if she could understand but if she could, I wanted her to know just how much she was a part of my Christmas.

She passed away on Christmas day which was almost fitting for her. I remember visiting with her just hours before she passed away. I held her hand, stroking it, telling her that she'd put up quite a fight. I kissed her cheek and whispered to her that it was ok for her to go. That we knew she was tired and knew that she wasn't herself anymore. We would miss her greatly, I told her, but knew she was just so very tired. Before I left I gave her another kiss on her cheek, kissed her hand and told her goodbye and Merry Christmas. A few hours later I got the call that she'd passed away.

At her funeral I read a portion from her favorite book "Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus." I kept the book. I love that story.

I miss my grandma. She wasn't just my grandma, she was Christmas to me.